Protect Yourself


Survival Kit

survival kit - please hover over items for further details

Jessie keeps one, I keep one…do YOU keep one? If not make guns and bullets a part of your life NOW. Disposable income is essential when you’re out in the wild. A taxi, a tent, a hospital bill…yes folks, there are hidden costs around every corner. Don’t over estimate yourself macho man. ALL of us need to love and be loved when we’re feeling vulnerable. Some of you know-it-alls think you can get by without religion in your life. Well let me tell you, this is simply not possible. Everyone needs god and by that I mean the Christian one. Don’t bother messing about with any of that black magic yoga stuff. Believe it or not basic armor still holds water after all these years. Forget twine or nylon. These creatures are way beyond all that so steel rope is the only option. Tie em’, garrote em’ or simply whip em’. Yeah, okay, you’re laughing. But shin pads are surprisingly useful because a simple kick to a panteaters face can prompt the animals to go for your ankles or shins. Every good garden shed has a can of this. Or Duck Oil, as my father used to keep. Both are equally good but WD is what most of you will be familiar with. Anyway spray yourself all over and it’ll make you slippery and un-grab-able. These pants are made without pesticides and rumor has it that they don’t interest panteaters because of this. There’s been quite some debate surrounding this. I say at ten quid a pop it doesn’t do any harm to try a pair. Knock em’ on the noggin. Another stunning device! Get it? You can still get these from boots for about a fiver. But actually I collected these three from weddings! Anyway, as I’m sure you can imagine, it’s the flash that stuns the animals. The unmistakable smell seems to work as a fantastic deterrent. Hang on a minute!?! Yes I know, a bit ‘weird and wacky’ but think back for a minute…how many times have you seen these things used for other things?? Car aerials, lock-picking devises, TV aerials, radio aerials, everything. Stuff one in your pack and forget about it. That’s my motto. A six-inch bastard nail and a decent hammer give you the option to pin the beast, by it’s snout, to a tree. Meat’ll give you stamina and the pills will do the rest. Three stables in survival, a stab, a spray and a beam to the light the way. Conservationists will have your guts for garters if they start finding animal entrails all over the place so instead of trying to explain yourself dig a hole and bury the bloody thing. Out of site, out of mind.

Are your pants safe?

It’s worth noting that different pant brands have different levels of attractiveness to panteaters. I’m told this is based on the amount of pesticide traces found in the cotton.
So here’s a sliding scale. Each pant is rated on its attractiveness to a panteater. 1 = Not attractive 10 = Very attractive.

Pants To Poverty are the hands down winner. The cotton they’re made is grown using ZERO pesticides. Get a pair HERE.

  • Whatever

    Rating 1

    • unethical pants

    Rating 4

  • unethical pants

    Rating 4

  • unethical pants

    Rating 5

  • unethical pants

    Rating 6

  • unethical pants

    Rating 7

  • unethical pants

    Rating 7

  • unethical pants

    Rating 8

  • unethical pants

    Rating 10